Since the day Vincent Kennedy Mcmahon blew open the world of sports entertainment, men all over the world have followed his lead by dedicating a good percentage of their lives to the ultimate male soap opera. Our wishes were granted as we were all handed a testosterizing version of secretly watched shows such as the bold and the beautiful, the young and the restless, and so forth. In the last two and a half decades, there has been no doubt that wrestling has become a major contributor to our growth as couch rotting, T.V. lusting men. However, as this is strictly a basketball site, I shall express my love for wrestling under the umbrella of the National Basketball association.
The one thing that has kept us drawn into the wrestling world has been the crazy, colourful characters that we have witnessed over time. We've seen deadmen walking, immortals, warriors, Kings, men of the army, men of the police, men from prison, repo men gothic blood-seekers, monsters, earthquakes, typhoons, brahma bulls, rattle snakes, rabid wolverines, giants, midgets, and an array of high flying gravity-defying thrill seekers. The NBA is no different. We have been fortunate enough to witness fan-killers, haymakers, bear-huggers, ball-squeezers, sheriffs, gamblers, alleged rapists, wife beaters, brides, nipple-rings, one-named brazilians, and even a couple of athletic white men.
This writer shall attempt to formulate resemblances between pro-wrestlers and their respective NBA counterparts. Participants could be players, managers/coaches, divas/wives, GM's, or bosses.
Ø Michael Jordan & Bret Hart
Excellence of execution. Best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be.
Ring any bells?
Ø Sir Charles and The Rock
To the greatest Mic handlers of our time.
Ø John Amaechi & Goldust
Sorry, I cannot explain why.
Ø The Great Khali & Shawn Bradley
They both suck as hell.
Ø Booker T and Troy Hudson
Faces that only a mother could love.
Ø Taker and Kane & Jason and Jaron Collins
Brothers of destruction!!!
Or not...
Ø Ron Artest & Stone Cold Steve Austin
Arrive.
Raise hell.
Leave.
Ø Eddy Curry and The Blue Meanie
Fat.
Ø Mike Bibby and Mini me
Sorry, this needed to be said.
Ø Anderson Varejao and Carlito
Flopping? That’s cool.
Ø Kobe Bryant and Edge.
The rated RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR superstar!!!
Ø Raja Bell and JBL
Clothesline from hell!! Clothesline from hell!!!!!!
Ø Nate Robinson and Hornswaggle
Both little bastards.
Ø Shane Battier and John Cena
GI JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
GO JOE!!!!
Ø Lebron James and every Shawn Michaels fight
Nailbiters.
Ø Kevin Garnett and The Ultimate Warrior
Picture KG running full speed into the target center like an idiot with the Warrior’s entrance music followed by him grabbing both nets over and over like a caged beast.
Yup, this fits.
Ø Allen Iverson and Rey Mysterio
1 MVP. 1 Good year.
1 title reign. 1 Good run.
Rest of the time, O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D.
Ø David Stern, Vince Mcmahon, Joseph Stalin, guy from Mars attacks
WORLD DOMINATION!
And Finally….
Ø Phil Jackson and Mr. Fuji
Picture the Lakers playing the Heat in the NBA finals…
Shaq dives toward the Laker bench to save the ball from falling out of bounds…
Phil throws salt in his eyes!! Salt to the eyes!! The big man has been blinded!! My God NO!!!!
Friday, July 13, 2007
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