Ready To Rumble: NBA vs. WWE

Since the day Vincent Kennedy Mcmahon blew open the world of sports entertainment, men all over the world have followed his lead by dedicating a good percentage of their lives to the ultimate male soap opera. Our wishes were granted as we were all handed a testosterizing version of secretly watched shows such as the bold and the beautiful, the young and the restless, and so forth. In the last two and a half decades, there has been no doubt that wrestling has become a major contributor to our growth as couch rotting, T.V. lusting men. However, as this is strictly a basketball site, I shall express my love for wrestling under the umbrella of the National Basketball association.

The one thing that has kept us drawn into the wrestling world has been the crazy, colourful characters that we have witnessed over time. We've seen deadmen walking, immortals, warriors, Kings, men of the army, men of the police, men from prison, repo men gothic blood-seekers, monsters, earthquakes, typhoons, brahma bulls, rattle snakes, rabid wolverines, giants, midgets, and an array of high flying gravity-defying thrill seekers. The NBA is no different. We have been fortunate enough to witness fan-killers, haymakers, bear-huggers, ball-squeezers, sheriffs, gamblers, alleged rapists, wife beaters, brides, nipple-rings, one-named brazilians, and even a couple of athletic white men.

This writer shall attempt to formulate resemblances between pro-wrestlers and their respective NBA counterparts. Participants could be players, managers/coaches, divas/wives, GM's, or bosses.


Ø Michael Jordan & Bret Hart

Excellence of execution. Best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be.

Ring any bells?

Ø Sir Charles and The Rock

To the greatest Mic handlers of our time.

Ø John Amaechi & Goldust

Sorry, I cannot explain why.

Ø The Great Khali & Shawn Bradley

They both suck as hell.

Ø Booker T and Troy Hudson

Faces that only a mother could love.

Ø Taker and Kane & Jason and Jaron Collins

Brothers of destruction!!!

Or not...

Ø Ron Artest & Stone Cold Steve Austin

Arrive.

Raise hell.

Leave.

Ø Eddy Curry and The Blue Meanie

Fat.

Ø Mike Bibby and Mini me

Sorry, this needed to be said.

Ø Anderson Varejao and Carlito

Flopping? That’s cool.

Ø Kobe Bryant and Edge.

The rated RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR superstar!!!

Ø Raja Bell and JBL

Clothesline from hell!! Clothesline from hell!!!!!!

Ø Nate Robinson and Hornswaggle

Both little bastards.

Ø Shane Battier and John Cena

GI JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

GO JOE!!!!

Ø Lebron James and every Shawn Michaels fight

Nailbiters.

Ø Kevin Garnett and The Ultimate Warrior

Picture KG running full speed into the target center like an idiot with the Warrior’s entrance music followed by him grabbing both nets over and over like a caged beast.

Yup, this fits.

Ø Allen Iverson and Rey Mysterio

1 MVP. 1 Good year.

1 title reign. 1 Good run.

Rest of the time, O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D.

Ø David Stern, Vince Mcmahon, Joseph Stalin, guy from Mars attacks

WORLD DOMINATION!



And Finally….


Ø Phil Jackson and Mr. Fuji

Picture the Lakers playing the Heat in the NBA finals…

Shaq dives toward the Laker bench to save the ball from falling out of bounds…

Phil throws salt in his eyes!! Salt to the eyes!! The big man has been blinded!! My God NO!!!!

New Setup

To our readers, NBAsians wishes to announce that from now on Gov and I will be posting separately. I will be posting under "ikenc" while Gov will post under a soon-to-be-announced pseudonym. Or not. Our joint posts will be under "nbasians". Hope you find this to be a better way to organize the blog. Thank you for your support and love!

In Defense of The Black Mamba

4 games. 225 points. 54% from the field. 52% from three. 56 of 60 from the line. 4 wins.

And yet we complain.

And yet we bitch.

And yet we baselessly compare.

Kobe Bryant has accomplished one of the most remarkable scoring feats in basketball history whilst single-handedly digging his team out of a seven game hole as he steered them back toward that decisive playoff run.

However, as with his three championship rings, Herculean scoring prowess, and one unforgettable 81-point juggernaut that some may have forgotten, Kobe’s string of half centuries has been thrown straight into his own personal “Hall of Shame”. The world of sports’ most polarizing figure has done it again. He has managed to throw in another unimaginable historic feat only to be scrutinized, criticized, and magnified onto his notable off-court hoopla.


The Bitching:

#1 “Kobe Bryant decided to stop facilitating and start Kobe-ing.”

Response: For those that have chosen to conveniently forget, the Lakers were 26-13 through the first half of the regular season, a record good enough for 4th best out of 30 teams as they defeated elites such as Utah, Dallas, Phoenix, Miami, and the Rockets and Spurs twice respectively. They ran the triangle to perfection. Kobe’s shot attempts dipped from 27 to 20, his FG% and assists shot up, while maintaining a more than healthy 29 PPG. . Can someone say M-V-P?

Lamar goes down. Luke goes down. Kwame goes down. Mo goes down. Cookie goes down (thankfully). Mihm’s been down since the cold war ended. And to top it all, Vladrad went back in time to the Nagano Olympics. This has to be among the most catastrophic collections of injuries that any basketball team has endured through its regular season.

For those casual/idiot fans that look through results, stats, standings, but don’t actually watch basketball, the Lakers’ triangle offense is among the toughest offensive sets in basketball. Thus, only a thumbful of teams has used it through the 60 years that the NBA has existed. The offense requires nothing less than a one year learning curve and a group of basketball players that thoroughly understand the game. And as with any well-oiled machine, the triangle offense fails as soon as it loses its most essential cogs. For the Lakers, this meant succumbing in 12 of their next 19 games.

So what did Phil Jackson do once he got his full roster back? He asked Kobe Bryant to temporarily dump the system and make most of a fairly easy week by winning a few games by himself in order bring back that positive air around the Laker organization.

I repeat…

4 games. 225 points. 54% from the field. 52% from three. 56 of 60 from the line. 4 wins.

And for good measure, a “subpar” 43 point game that led to their 5th consecutive win. The Lakers were winning again. They’re happy. I’m happy. That’s all that matters.

Bottomline: Kobe was not kobe-ing. Grow up, critic.


#2 “Kobe Bryant is superior to Michael Jordan”

To the Homers (Kobe fanatics/morons):

Sorry to burst your bubble, but this “debate” must end right now. Kobe Bryant is not FUNDAMENTALLY better than Michael Jordan. Here’s why:

*Michael Jordan won 10 scoring titles in the toughest and most competitive of all basketball eras, the late 80’s and 90’s. He played with the likes of the Bad Boy Pistons, Riley’s Knicks, The Glove’s Sonics, shared a division with the rough and tough Cavalier and Hawk teams, Barkley’s suns, Drexler’s Blazers, Admiral’s Spurs, Stockton and Malone’s Jazz, and Hakeem’s Rockets. Need I say more?

*Michael Jordan won his scoring titles when hand checking still existed and Steve Nash couldn’t get a job. Imagine defenders such as Gary Payton, Mookie Blaylock, and Joe Dumars checking as you try to make your way to the basket? Not fun. Thus, when we talk of overall scoring ability, Jordan easily takes it. The only area that Kobe would have an edge is three point shooting.

*With regard to playing off the ball, Kobe is nowhere near MJ. Jordan’s basketball IQ and game management/overall efficiency thumps that of Kobe. With reference to rebounding, Michael was comparatively better as Kobe hasn’t shown consistency when it comes to his performance and effort on the offensive glass. MJ’s boxing out fundamentals were royally underrated. Passing? The degrees of difficulty on some of Jordan’s passes were at a level that Kobe could never even imagine. Kobe is without a doubt a good passer. However, he has yet to achieve that balance between scoring and passing within a game. He is unable to facilitate in a game unless he makes that conscious choice beforehand.

*With regard to defense, Michael Jordan wins hands down. Besides being the amazing scorer that he was, MJ was one of the most tenacious defenders the NBA has ever seen. Similarly, Kobe has been regarded through his career as one of the best defenders in the league. However, he is limited to simple man to man defense. His team defense, help defense, and off the ball defense is no more than good.

*With regard to leadership, MJ once again takes the cake. However, we must take into context that Kobe has been the first option on his team for a mere two and a half seasons. Many may not recall that MJ won his first title at 28. Kobe is now 28.

*Lastly, with regard to competitive drive and clutch play (To be hanged for saying this), I rank them the equally.


#3 “Kobe Bryant may score 50 every game, but he is no Michael Jordan”

To the Haters (baseless demonizers/idiots):

With all due respect to his airness, only two players have scored four consecutive half-centuries and neither is named Michael Jordan.

Kobe is his own animal. He possesses his own achievements, his own accolades, his own criminal record, and he will have his own legacy. As I mentioned in point #5, Kobe is at the age where MJ was still considered a selfish prick that couldn’t lead a team to a championship.

In other words, let us all just allow ourselves to enjoy basketball at its highest quality and stop bitching like Adrian in Rocky IV. Thus, after all is said and done, we are left with a couple of defining questions:

Will Kobe evolve into the consummate team player that will lead his squad to numerous championships? Or will he remain content as an outstanding scorer on a bad team?

I don’t know, but I sure as hell can’t wait to find out.